Small penises have feelings too.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Randomize
