lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
