brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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