you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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