It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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