So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
