i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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