I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
The power of my boobs compel you
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
