she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
