Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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