please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
