This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
