Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
