You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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