Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
