My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
