Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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