My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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