Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
