I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
My penis needs a shock collar
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
