i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
