my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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