At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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