whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
