I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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