Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize