I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
