Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
