I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
