Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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