you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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