ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize