dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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