ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize