isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize
