She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
