im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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