Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
