Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
There's always time for handjobs
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
