Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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