4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize