i wish my penis had a tongue
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Houston, we have a squirter
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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