y did u give ur computer a hand job?
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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