Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
