Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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