I just threw up on my dentist
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Randomize
