i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Randomize
