im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
