That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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