you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
