we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
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