if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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