is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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