Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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