Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
