Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
