Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
We have so much sex to catch up on
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
