he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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