Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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