shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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