he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
A bitchslap is in order.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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