I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
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