nut hugger
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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