At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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