Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Randomize
