we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
