We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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