my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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