I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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