she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
it's like heaven, but drunker
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
