scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
